I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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