I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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