around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
