Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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