I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
