Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh god it's open bar.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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