i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize