I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
