That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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