Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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