if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize