What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My bed smells like the plague
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
