yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize