did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
