I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
this hospital has no fireball
MIDGETS
????
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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