she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize