Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
