Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
