Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
