so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
