The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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