It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
