we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dear god my vagina.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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