you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
