I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
