I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
