Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so let's talk penis.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
wow bdsm is so cute
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
