Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
