I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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