I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
