Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
