nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
