Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
