I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize