it hurts more in the daytime
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
