When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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