Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
