Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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