I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
