I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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