grandma shit on top of the toilet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
