I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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