I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
