your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
