girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
