need another drink. this is the easiest way
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
