The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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