You can't special order awesome
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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