What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
