how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
