I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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