winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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