if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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