LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
