he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
