Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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