There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
