never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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