My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
