if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
