she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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