So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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