when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
