So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
