we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
