And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
is that a dick in a sweater?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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