4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize