so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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