Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
