Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
