break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
