The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
