I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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