it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
