Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
